Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I Can Put Back All The Pieces. They Just Might Not Fit The Same.

I just have no idea what to do. Everything was all planned out. I was sure of what I should do until Trevor talked to me. Honestly, it disgusts me that he changed my mind set. No one had even came lose to changing my mind. Yet, somehow, Trevor made me feel guilty. He made part of me have self-worth. Before, I saw it as I was only hurting the people I loved most and I sure as hell didn't get any happiness. Now I have to chose what's right to do. I know I'm not happy, but I know I feel more than I did earlier this week. I know that I'm not so detached. I have no idea what's better for them. I think they'd be surprised to learn just how much I've been holding them back from living fully. On the other hand, Trevor kinda made me feel needed. God, now I'm stressed and angsty again. Will it be worth it or am I just going to go through the painful rebuilding of my life so that I can be torn down again?
On top of all this, now I'm totally intruding. I don't want Trevor to feel guilty and obligated to make it better for me. It's fine if he just shuts me out of his life to prove to Taylor that we're really super-uber over. There's no need for him to waste his time comforting some girl that irks him.

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